I’m My Own Worst Enemy

It’s Monday morning and, as is our normal practice, this blog should already be in publication mode for Tuesday’s release. In fact, I should have written it a couple of weeks ago in order to avoid those hair-on-fire feelings and the last-minute requests of others who help support this weekly sharing.

Today certainly isn’t the first time I’ve thought about what I was going to write, even though I never put pen to paper or fingers to a keyboard. In fact, so many thoughts and approaches were swirling around that I kept thinking tomorrow it will become clearer. But that wasn’t the only thing going on in my head – in addition to feeling guilty about not meeting a commitment, I unconsciously spent lots of mental energy “kicking myself” for simply not delivering (or was it not coming up with something good and insightful?).

Interestingly, as I acknowledge all of the negative aspects of my lack of action, the “angel on my shoulder” reminds me that I’ve accomplished SO much else. Wasn’t it just as important to organize and run a meeting of 50 people who had to make a major decision about our homeowner’s association? And, if I hadn’t spent multiple hours helping my parents figure out how to use Zoom on their various devices, they wouldn’t have seen their 2-year-old great-grand twins during a family gathering. And … and … and … See, I wasn’t just sitting around twiddling my thumbs.

To add insult to injury, I’m spending even more unproductive time attempting to justify the why behind my actions – or lack thereof. So, rather than spend lots of energy playing a mental tennis match of “I should have” vs. “It’s OK because”, this simple act of reflection and sharing all of the conflicting thoughts and feelings can actually help. Becoming more aware and actively conscious is a huge enabler to choosing differently next time.

With that in mind, I’m wrapping up this blog … and will immediately start to write my next one that posts in three weeks. Wow! Just the thought of doing it feels so much better. But first, maybe I’ll reorganize my closet.

This Week: Whether it happens once in a blue moon or every day, or only in certain areas of life or in multiple ways, we all have bouts of getting in our own way to some extent. Sometimes we’re very conscious of it – procrastination is definitely a giveaway. But sometimes we aren’t really aware that we’ve sabotaged ourselves: for example, it’s great to walk three miles to get some exercise; but didn’t you first say that you were going to walk five? Where are you getting in your own way? Spend some time being so honest with yourself that it’s almost uncomfortable (which means no justifying or protecting yourself). What are you willing to shine a light on versus continue to hide? With whom can you share your challenges?

In Next Week’s Post: Working in silos.