Be Interested

Last week, we wrote about being present – minimize distractions, slow down, focus on the moment. 

This week, we explore having presence – the ability to command attention, own a room, or display gravitas after becoming present to what’s going on. 

Having coached numerous executives these past two decades, I’ve spent a fair amount of time exploring the subject of having presence. 

If I think tactically about what supports having presence, I come up with a lot of ‘C’ words: 

Centering (yourself) … Channeling (positive energy) … Clarity (around what you want) … Conviction (about achieving a desired outcome) … Courage (to do what’s responsible) … Confidence (in response to challenges) … Credibility (by matching actions to words) … Connection (to emotions of yours and others) … Curiosity (to engage others thoughtfully) … Commitment (to follow through on promises you make) … and so on. 

However, traveling down C’s ‘alliteration alley’ likely won’t be as memorable as one simple tip: Be interested. 

To be interesting—to capture people’s attention, attract interaction, be highly regarded—YOU must first be interested. 

I’ve met plenty of people who view themselves as interesting. I’ve found one thing in common with some of them: They don’t appear interested in others. They don’t engage with curiosity or connect emotionally, and thus don’t garner credibility. When I have asked why they don’t show interest, I’ve heard things like, “I’m just not a connector like that.” Or “I decide in advance if someone I meet is interesting before I engage with them.” Or “I have plenty of interesting things to talk about with others.” 

Your reputation—what people believe or remember about you—is partly influenced by how you engage with them. Everyone wants to feel valued, and you can make that happen with every conversation. The added benefit is that by showing interest, a connection is formed. When we assume that ALL people are interesting, and we demonstrate this with a presence that shows interest, we positively impact our relationship with them. 

This Week: Pay attention to where you show interest. Make notes about what you find. Consider: Are there people you may be taking for granted or regard as not worthy of your time or energy? Ask yourself why and what you may be losing by not engaging. After you reflect on this, decide what kind of presence you want to have going forward.